


Love (Without Touch)

by exogenesisredemption



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bree lives, Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 01:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18728488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exogenesisredemption/pseuds/exogenesisredemption
Summary: I closed my eyes.But the pain never came.





	Love (Without Touch)

My bones felt like ice. It all seemed so inevitable. The panic that resided where my heart once was had receded. I accepted my fate.

I only regretted dying after Diego.

Carlisle’s voice was velvety, soft. Almost comforting. Like the father I never had. One that wouldn't throw me down the stairs and scream, breath smelling of alcohol. I shook my head.

No use in dwelling on the past, now. Soon time would stop for me completely. I guess it’s my destiny to die endlessly. Barely sixteen and my second death is getting ready to wrap around my throat like a snake. 

I wondered if I would be buried with my coven. I hoped not. 

“She has surrendered,” Carlisle said. 

Jane’s childlike face immediately shifted into something ugly. With her face contorted in such a way, it was easy to remember she was older than I could imagine. Older than I could ever hope to be. 

“Mercy is not yours to offer, Carlisle.”

“I understand your usual procedures, but consider this: mercy communicates true power. By showing the Volturi’s benevolence and willingness to accept those brought into life through… less fortunate circumstances, you may be seen as more competent than before. It doesn’t have to be like this, Jane.”

Jane seemed to twist Carlisle’s words in her head. Her expression was half confused, half frustrated. 

A murmur floated between the black-coats. Their decision about my fate was being made. A smirk made its way across Jane’s face before disappearing. 

I had hoped that this time death would be less drawn out and painful, but at Jane’s smirk I braced myself for the worst.

I’m coming, Diego.

I closed my eyes.

“So long as you take full responsibility we find it acceptable that you keep this newborn. If she acts up in any way, however…” Jane smiled, childlike and innocent. She almost didn’t look hundreds of years old. That smile, though, burned my very insides. I was on fire, my skin being boiled away. Every inch of me, every cell, was set aflame. I could hear someone screaming, but it took awhile for me to realize it was myself.

I learned quickly that there was more than one way to burn. Rather than running around with matches, Jane had lit a fire with her mind. I was glad Raoul never had this ability.

I once read ‘Fire is bright, fire is clean.’ Now, though, fire was pain and suffering. The pain disappeared as suddenly as it had come. 

“Her punishment will be severe. As will yours,” Jane finished, eyes boring into me. 

I watched stupidly, an agreement falling off of my lips. Fear rushed through me. She sensed it.

“Of course,” Carlisle said.

Thanks fell off my lips, desperate and unrestrained. Esme inched closer to me. Her hands held me up. 

Jane smiled, satisfied with herself. Was this her definition of fun? What had happened to her? Her body was that of an innocent child, but she was an ageless beast. Rather than toys, she played with the hearts of people, burning them. 

“Which reminds me…” Jane’s childlike smile still haunted her face. “It is quite interesting to see you are still human, Bella. I’m sure Caius will set time aside for a visit.”

The girl. I had totally forgotten about her in the moments that had determined my fate. Now, though, the thirst was returning full-force. Jasper glared at me. A strange sense of calm overwhelmed my senses. It felt artificial. 

“The date is set,” the tiny vampire said. Jane’s smile was wiped off of her face. 

She may hate the human, but she hates the small vampire more. 

Jane turned back to Carlisle, expression as dead as before. “Remember your responsibilities, Carlisle.” Her eyes flicked to me, then back to him. “Until we meet again.”

With that, the four black-coated figures disappeared into the lilac-smoke rolling down the hills. For such a cruel person, Victoria’s smoke was beautiful. 

It was only after they left that it hit me that they had not left me alive out of the kindness of their hearts. Mercy was not their goal. Why, then, would the vampire police leave me be? Especially after the havoc my coven had reaped? 

This was a question for later. When my throat didn’t burn like hell. 

“They’re gone,” the mind-reader whispered as if saying it too loudly would summon them. Maybe it would. What did I know, after all?

Jasper’s attention was on me. I shifted awkwardly under his watchful eye. After so many months around Fred, I wasn’t used to being looked at. Invisibility was no longer an option. 

I was tethered into place, throat burning. Bella needed to get out of here before I went nuts. Mind-reader seemed to agree. I glanced quickly at Bella and saw a face full of pity and curiosity. She wasn’t afraid like she was supposed to be. Didn’t she know I was a monster? Something made to kill her?

“I’m going to take Bella home.”

He sent a weary glance my way before he ran off with her. 

“Get up,” Jasper commanded. “We’re going home.”

The tiny black-haired vampire smiled brightly at this statement. “Looks like we have a new little sister.”

Jasper returned her smile, eyes gentle when they rested on the girl.

“I’m Alice, by the way. And the grumpy one is Jasper.” Alice wrapped her arms around Jasper’s neck. I looked away. As cute as they were together, I was not willing to be an audience to their makeout session. 

“I’m Emmett, and the beautiful lady that looks like she wants to cut off your head is Rosalie.”

Rosalie glared at Emmett but didn’t poise herself to fight as I anticipated. After nearly four months with my last coven, I had come to expect violence as the default. 

Esme wrapped an arm around me gently. I fought back a flinch. 

“Welcome to our family, Bree.” Esme’s voice was soft. Like Carlisles, but silkier. “I’m so glad you get to stay with us.”

Rosalie huffed. “Yeah, we like to take in random girls from the street, it seems.”

I tensed up. 

“Quit being so mean to the new kid, Rose. You’ll scare her off,” Emmett said, a smirk playing on his face. 

Their soft banter almost pulled me out of my melancholy. Almost. Diego’s smile filled my thoughts and I felt a piece of my heart break. Diego. What did it matter that I was still here when he wasn’t?

Jasper, somehow, noticed my change in mood. He stood close to me, and an artificial emotion filled me up again. 

“How are you doing that?” My voice was barely a whisper. Husky from thirst and disuse. 

He didn’t reply. Instead, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up. At the physical contact, his face softened. I wondered what made him relax like that after showing such an obvious distaste for me. 

“Let’s go hunting. I’m sure you need it after all of this.” Jasper’s voice was impossibly fond compared to the commanding tone he had earlier. Maybe it was something I said?

I decided to think about it later, my mind shifting once the promise of a meal was set in front of me. 

“Not yet, Jasper. We have to tell her about our… special diet,” Esme said, sympathetic. 

What was their diet? Did they only drink from people from the dregs like Riley had made us do? 

Emmett chortled. “Yeah, it’s special. We only drink animal blood. That means no more killing people, kiddo.” 

Animal blood? 

I only realized I was gaping when Emmett burst into laughter. “I know, gross. You’ll get used to it. We all did.”

“I must go attend to Jacob, but I wish you well on your first hunt, Bree.” Carlisle sent a smile my way before he ran towards the trees. 

I smiled weakly. “Let’s try this new diet, then.”

Hunting animals was significantly harder than hunting humans. Humans were clueless. Easy. Animals could sense me as fast as I sensed them. It was infuriating. My throat burned, and rage started to unravel inside me. I sat on a treetop with Alice, eyes searching frantically for something, anything to eat. Alice patted my back gently. 

“It gets easier.”

I took her word for it. Her yellow eyes bore into my own red ones. Riley has said they were yellow because of age. I knew then that it was a lie. Just like the threat of the sun.

Suddenly, a coppery scent hit my nose. Before I realized it I was running towards it. In an instant I had blood on my tongue and fur on my mouth. It was only after I drained it dry that I realized I had drank a mountain lion. My thirst resided enough for me to think clearly again. Jasper and Alice were at my side by the time I had finished. The nasty aftertaste of the animal blood quickly receded.

“Well, now that you’re done I think it’s time to get you out of these rags.” Alice clasped her hands together, a grin on her face. I looked down at my clothes. They were coated in dried blood and filth. I hadn't changed my clothes since a month before my transformation, so I couldn’t imagine how I must smell to her.

Alice grabbed my hand, face growing fonder the same way Jasper’s had and pulled me along with her to what I assumed was their home. 

Their home was massive, all glass and sharp angles. It was a work of art to say the least. As someone who had lived exclusively in damp basements for four months, it was a huge improvement. 

Alice slipped into the room, with me following closely behind. Jasper walked silently behind us. Watching. 

I grew nervous at the way Jasper loomed behind me. If I was with my old coven, it would’ve been a promise of death. I wasn’t sure how to interpret it here. Anger? Protection? 

Alice dragged me up the stairs and into a bathroom bigger than my dad’s apartment.

The thought of my dad almost sent me spiraling. Alice’s touch stopped me. No bad thoughts, here. Only lilac soap and a mirror.

I turned to look at my reflection. I hadn’t seen myself yet. Well, myself after the change. Even coated in grime I was stunning. My reflection looked like me, but entirely different. More graceful, maybe. Beautiful. Not me at all. 

After Alice was done cleaning me up, my reflection felt like a lie. With the dirt off of my cheeks, my skin looked flawless. It looked like someone had taken a photo of the old me and photoshopped it. It was a harsh reminder of the humanity I had lost. I avoided the mirror. 

In the following hours, I grew restless. The lack of noise, the absence of chaos was making me insane. Coupled with the way Jasper seemed to stare a hole into me, the disturbing calm made me feel like I was going to implode. After the third hour of silence, bar Alice’s intermittent rambling, had passed I’d had enough.

“Stop staring at me!” I growled, hands clenched. I pressed my eyes shut when the same fake sense of calm enveloped me. “And stop doing that-that whatever you’re doing!” 

Jasper huffed. “Calm yourself.”

Emmett and Esme were suddenly in the room. The concern in Esme’s eyes was enough to convince me to calm down. I pressed my eyes shut. Deep breaths. In. Out.

I didn’t need to breathe, but it was useful to calm down. I opened my eyes again. The family was watching me, worry on their faces. It felt like an eternity wouldn’t be enough to get them to trust me.

“I’m sorry. I just… I’m not used to being stared at.” I played with my hands nervously. “I’m sorry.” I repeated my apology quietly until the room had lost its tension. 

When I reached for an explanation, I found myself unable to stop them from slipping out of my mouth. “When I was with Riley’s coven, I had a friend named Fred.” I laughed, bitterly, the pity rolling towards me was unbearable. “He had this ability that kept everyone from looking at him. At me.” I paused. Was Fred still in Vancouver? Waiting? I hoped not. He would be better off without me. “In my old coven, if you were looked at, you were dead. Everyone fought. Everyone burned. Fire was always there,” I grimaced. “I always had to watch myself, think smart. And with Jasper staring a hole into me-” I cut myself off. I refused to blame Jasper. “I’m sorry.” I repeated again. 

I found myself shrinking away from the others. Afraid. Would they punish me for my actions? Kill me?

Esme was the first to say anything. “Bree, dear, I’m so sorry you had to suffer through that.” She enveloped me in a hug. “Jasper didn’t know. He’s sorry. Aren’t you Jasper?” 

I hid my face in the crook of her neck. I’ve never been hugged like this before. Never felt the love of a mother’s touch. It was nice. I didn’t deserve it. 

“I apologize, Bree. The spontaneity of your arrival has me on edge. I will attempt to make you more comfortable.”

I pursed my lips. “It’s fine. I get it. I’m new, I’m dangerous. Better to keep your guard up, right?” 

Jasper nodded. His scars reflected in the sunlight. The same as my scar on my arm, but hundreds more of them. I wondered what caused them. Alice seemed to catch my eye. 

“He was like you. Turned so that he can fight in a war he had nothing to do with.” 

So others have been changed for the same reasons? How many lives had been ruined because of this? How many people had lost their lives for something they did not understand?

Esme seemed to sense my distress and squeezed my hand. She seemed incredibly fond of me despite only knowing me for a few hours. Strange. 

I took a deep breath. My throat burned. The mountain lion wasn’t enough. “I’m thirsty.”

“Again? Damn, pipsqueak. You’re gonna empty out the forest quicker than I could,” Emmett said, eyes glittering with amusement. 

I laughed weakly at that. 

I knew my survival depended on getting along with the Cullens. I knew that for now, they trusted me about as far as they could throw me. I was determined to change that. Time to get used to this strange new coven.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Follow my wonderful Beta on Tumblr: bellainkhaki . Without them this entire fic would be a shipwreck.


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